“I’ve never done anything like this…”

I wrote this as every now and again I will get an email from someone that goes along the lines of:

“I’d really like to see you, but I’ve never done anything like this before and-“

So here is a helpful guide to help you if you have never booked an escort before, and what is more likely to get you an appointment rather than chewed out down the phone/a phone slammed down.


‘I’m worried about STDs and-‘

When was your last sexual health check? I can check by the date in my phone. This is my job, I have no desire to do things that are going to put my body in any kind of further risk. I probably know more about my sexual health than you do about yours, because it’s the whole backbone of me being able to work. You probably don’t go into restaurants and ask to see their food safety certificates and copy of public liability insurance – you know they aren’t going to do things that will risk their livelihood. The same idea applies to my job. I’m not interested in risking my livelihood, let alone my health, by not taking the relevant precautions.


‘Can we do X and Y and Z and then F and then D and’

Look, if you’re new to this, you probably don’t know the acronyms and what they suggest – that’s fine. I’m not talking to people who say ‘I specifically like -‘ or ‘can you wear -‘ because they tend to say that and leave it there. Don’t send a paragraph from Fifty Shades – you might be perfectly genuine but I’ll probably put it in the bin, because I get plenty of emails and texts that aren’t. Just send an email saying hello, my name is X and I’d like to meet you for X amount of time at X date – I’ve never done this before (if you want, but I might understand why you’re standing at the door looking like a rabbit caught in headlights).


“I don’t understand what GFE/PSE/OWO etc mean.”

You made it this far, champ; you can Google. Try Icognitio mode/hit those 3 lines in Firefox and you’ll see ‘Open Private Window’. No-one will see your history that way. Also, if I’ve just dropped a revelation for you there, I’d perhaps be clearing your search history after being here. But generally GFE is a catch-all term for behaving like a girlfriend would, or woman that you are just beginning to date. You can fill in the blanks. It’s an acronym I don’t really like as a) everyone looks for something different in a partner and b) why in the world would you want me to act like I do in a relationship? God speed, mate. PSE generally means porn star experience, which is also completely open ended – I don’t have access to your hard drive to know what you like or look for. You could look at it analytically and arrive at the conclusion that chemistry is an individual endeavour between any and all parties, but that’s another stream of thought. If you’re new and you don’t know what you’re looking for, they’re probably the two most used acronyms.


“Why do I have to give my details if I want you to come to me? I thought this was anonymous and I’m not comfortable with that.”

You’re perfectly entitled to not want to disclose your details to me for an outcall (me visiting you). I’m not going to pressurise you into it, and I’m not necessarily going to block you for it either. I’ll probably suggest that you visit me (incall) instead*. However – and you can take this how you will – I’m not actually interested in your name or personal details for the reason you think; I don’t have a little black book of my outcalls. I’m interested in going to your place, then coming home safely. You can be the loveliest person on the planet who wouldn’t say boo to a goose, but I don’t know if you’re potentially going to turn violent. Those details are there solely because if you turn out to be a complete arsehole, someone I trust, who equally doesn’t care about your details, knows where I am. It’s for my personal safety – it has nothing to do with holding anything over you, which leads nicely onto-

*not if you’re rude about it – politeness is free


“I’m scared of being blackmailed/being outed.”

I’ve got zero interest in contacting you afterward, and if I did have any reason to (for example you left something, which has happened), I’m going to send you the most dry, matter of fact message that can be easily explained away. Sorry, but there really won’t be ‘you left your watch btw you’ve left me like bambi *eggplant emoji* πŸ˜‰ lol call me xox’. I’ve been doing this a while (far longer than I originally intended, but that’s another story), and I’m not interested in burning my entire livelihood to the ground by exposing you to anyone. Plus, I tend to treat people how I would like to be treated, and it’s not ruining lives for my jollies.


“But is it discreet because I saw this tv show and-“

That’s down to the person you choose to meet – some people are naturally more exhibitionistic, and some people like that, which is fine. I have no desire to be stared at or draw unnecessary attention to myself. In general, most people want to fly under the radar – they don’t want to deal with nonsense, they don’t want to piss off their neighbours and they don’t want to take undue risks.

We are regular people, despite what you might see in the media.


“Why don’t you just give out your address/room number? Why do I have to go on an easter egg hunt?”

Well, that’s mostly a two part reason, Pete, but as genuine as you might be – folk fuck it up before you and I don’t like random men knowing my exact location just because they saw me in my bra and knickers. So you might feel like a bit of a twat sitting in your car wondering why you’re calling me again – and feeling unnerved that I can see you but you can’t see me – but it is all about my personal safety. The odds are you’re taller than me (and at 5’3″, that’s not hard) and weigh more, so I’m more interested in ticking off as many boxes that you aren’t a complete toad before I open the door and find myself alone in a bedroom with you. Most men who contact me are not toads, but it works by having quite a robust screening process. Which may seem bizarre to the uninitiated, but you’ll understand why providers have their own variations after meeting a couple of people.

Also, whilst you might not see it, it’s also for your sake. When we ask you to confirm by a certain time, tell us to let us know if you’re running late etc – it’s because we may have other plans. Some people may have other clients, yes. I personally choose not to bring attention to that, but I predominantly dislike being stuck indoors. If you don’t confirm with me, I’ve probably made plans to go out somewhere or do something else.


Don’t slide into my DMs.

‘SWitter’, as it’s known, is quite a big thing these days. Arguably it’s one of the best ways to see someone’s personality and how they interact with others. Most clients have a separate Twitter account that they use – if you need me to spell this out, people can see who you interact with, so unless you and Steve from the bowling who likes to RT funny memes are really good pals, you might want a separate Twitter account. Just a heads up.

But don’t follow someone and then get into their direct messages – it screams timewaster to a lot of providers, and you might find yourself ignored. Go to their actual profile/website and contact them via there. Some people are fine with it, but on the whole it’s seen as a no-no, to the point people will disable the function. Which, again, leads nicely into…


Do read the profiles/website.

I get it’s not exactly Tinder, but apply a little bit of common sense – most providers will tell you right there what they are happy to do, what their rates are, and you’ll get a vibe for what it’s like being stuck in their company for an hour or so from taking that bit of time at the start. It is all well and good to go by photos alone but if someone advertises themselves as Y, then they probably specialise in Y unless they make reference to Z. Going in expecting Z, and not getting Z, is just going to leave you both disappointed for different reasons – you haven’t gotten what you wanted, and the provider doesn’t quite know what they did wrong.

I originally started many, many years ago as a phone-based Domme, and then moved into real life sessions. Along time I started offering GFE bookings, but I always have offered Domination sessions. It is ultimately up to Dommes to decide what they do in a session, but I do not sleep with submissives. If you are casually browsing this and see a complete split, it causes confusion across the board. My point to this is at one point my profile/site carried two very distinct services, but you would have been forgiven for thinking one came through stronger – depending on how you read it. Which was why I changed it and split it completely; it made my own life easier, although I still pick up Domme bookings. Someone is not going to book me to be submissive, even in a GFE context. You’ll be a lot happier spending that time reading through and picking someone who gives out a vibe of where you can get along with them. And if you’re just interested in the obvious, that’s also fine – there’s people who cater to that too. The same rule applies; mine is just romanticised. The people I meet tend to want to spend time with providers like they are on a date. You might not. That isn’t shameful or bad. For every person who talks about intimacy, there’s someone who talks about fucking – but that’s why you read their website!


“I think I’ll be nervous.”

Well, I’m not into touching people who aren’t totally comfortable with me touching them, because that’s slipping into assault, but you can come along and – you know, relax. If you’re sitting there completely wide eyed and rigid, I’m probably not going to try and do anything besides chat and make bad jokes. Some people panic, and that’s fine; my whole world is based around consent & personal boundaries. I’m not going to judge you on your individual body type, and I’m not going to judge you on being nervous (I usually find it quite sweet, if I’m honest). Also, you’d be shocked if I told you how many men say ‘I’m really nervous’ as though it’s somehow a bad thing. You came here to have fun and a bit of escapism – part of that may be this, but if you stop hyper focusing on this, you’ll probably find yourself a lot more relaxed.


Anyway. I do hope this has been of some amusement – or even of some education, if you are new, and contemplating My First Escort Experience. It’s not intimidating, and remember – it’s meant to be fun. Whether you look for affection or flat out raunch – and whatever your price scale – you’ll usually find it if you take a bit of time to just read. Everyone operates slightly differently – some people won’t care if you DM them, some people don’t mind being texted whilst some people absolutely hate it and some people don’t mind sexually charged contact. Like some dating website has probably lied about – there’s someone out there for everyone. Well, in this industry, there is. Hurrah!


R xox

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